性感廚師熱辣出品
Hot food from a hot man
Max 我那兒有個女人想知道
Max, a woman in my section wants to know
我們有沒有什麼無蛋白食物 我該怎麼告訴她
if we do anything gluten-free. What do I tell her?
就說什麼蛋白過敏凈扯談
Tell her she's not allergic to gluten,
她只是在掩飾飲食失調
she's just masking an eating disorder.
開飯了 各位 俱樂部三明治 中號漢堡
Look alive, people. Club sandwich, burger medium,
還有賭徒的鮮蝦沙拉
and a shrimp salad for the gamblin'man.
我要了鹽和胡椒
I asked for salt and pepper.
我要了蛋黃醬和芥末
I wanted mayonnaise and mustard.
你忘了我的無糖汽水
You forgot my diet soda.
噢 抱歉 我現在就去拿...
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll be right back with--
喔 看這是啥
Oh, what?
永遠別懷疑姐
Never doubt me.
Earl 我的最後一單
Here's my last check, Earl.
Max 看這裡 剛才那位女人把她號碼塞給我了
Look here, Max. That lady just slipped me her number.
像我還需要一位更年期白人婦女
Like I need another menopausal white woman
像只發春的貓一樣抓我的窗戶似的
scratchin' at my window like a cat in heat.
天啊 我真愛錢
God, I love money.
我知道 很抱歉它把你甩了
I know, I'm so sorry it broke up with you.
看 本周新版iPad新鮮出爐
Look! This week's new iPad just came out.
擴散消"泣"
Spread the words.
消"息"
Word.
"息"
Word!
我在電線桿上面看到的
I saw that on The Wire.
Max 我等了3個禮拜
Max, three weeks in a row
你還是沒接受我的Facebook好友申請
you have not yet accepted my request to be a Facebook friend.
Max 我跟你說話呢
Max? I am talking to you.
哦 我沒聽見 我帶著耳機呢
Oh, I didn't hear you, I have my earbuds in.
那這是神馬
What are these?
好吧 非得逼我說出真相麼
Okay, you had to bust a move, and get "The truth" On my ass?
這麼說吧 Han
Fine, let's go there. Han,
我永遠不會在Facebook加你為好友的
I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend.
額 心都碎成渣渣了
Oof! Hard to hear.
我加你了 Han
Well, I accepted you, Han.
謝謝 你讓我心花怒放
Yes, thank you. You make my heart sing.
嗷 還是好傷心
Oof. Hurt me still.
這簡直像看人類虐待小海豹
That was like watching someone club a baby seal.
一個好友申請有什麼大不了的
Why wouldn't you just say yes to his friend request?
因為我從不上Facebook 那有什麼好玩的
Because I never check Facebook, why would I?
為了看2005年和我一起在電影院打工的某個女孩兒
So some girl I worked at a movie theater with in 2005
告訴我外面在下雨 她感覺好憂桑
can tell me it's raining and she's "Totes bummed?"
Caroline 看看你的Facebook主頁
Caroline! Better check Facebook page.
好像某人剛給你留言咯
Maybe someone just post on your wall.
Han Lee 剛剛在25張照片中圈出了你
"Han Lee has tagged you in 25 photos?"
要和我一起虐海豹麼
Want to borrow my seal club yet?
哦 太傷人了 自從我老爸坐牢後
Oh, that stings. I've lost like 300 Facebook friends
300個好友取消了對我的關注
since my father was arrested.
那個 你老爸也許
Well, your father's probably
已經在牢里交了那麼多朋友了
made that many new friends in prison,
算是扯平了吧
so it all evens out.
好 準備好走了不
Okay, ready to go?
一定要走麼
Do we have to?
外面熱化了 這天什麼時候變得這麼熱了
It's so hot outside. When did heat get so hot?
既然反抗不了你就從了吧
Stop fighting it, just give in to it.
我為啥要引用一個強姦犯的話
I don't know why I'm quoting a rapist.
我們不能再待一會兒嗎
Can't we just stay a little bit longer?
家裡都沒有空調
We don't have any A.C. At home.
我有空調 能給你們用啊
I have an A.C. You girls can use.
你有能用的空調嗎
You have an air conditioner that works?
好用著呢
Oh, it works.
這空調剛吃完香腸的樣子
That's like an A.C. That just had salami.
空調下面還有更多香腸呢
There's more salami where that came from.
我腳疼死了
And my feet hurt.
你別再穿這些高跟鞋了
Well, you gotta stop wearing those stilts,
去買雙Skechers的鞋子 就像普通的窮光蛋服務生一樣
and get a pair of Skechers, like normal broke-ass waitresses.
Skechers 你腫麼說得出口
Skechers? How dare you.
而且 我買不起新鞋子
Besides, I can't afford new shoes.
這要900刀
These cost $900.
好吧 那就不是疼了 那是報應
Well, then that's not pain, that's karma.
這樣 我來幫你 好吧
Look, I will help you out, okay?
我知道一個地方
I know a place we can go
能很便宜地買到設計師的作品
that has designer things at good prices.
比如Barney's warehouse(品牌工廠店）
Like a Barney's warehouse?
差不多吧
Kind of.
二手商店
The Goodwill?
歡迎來到我的世界
Welcome to my place!
我們要在二手商店買東西嗎
We're shopping at the Goodwill?
我本來以為你要帶我去逛街的
You led me to believe we were real-shopping.
我知道
I know.
我都等不及要看你看到這個地方時的表情了
I couldn't wait to see your face when you saw this place.
再來一遍
Do the face again.
愛死了
I love it!
好吧 這是什麼味道
Okay, what's that smell?
今後就是你的味道了
It's gonna be your smell from now on.
現在 注意了 我知道哪裡有好東西
Now, pay attention, I know where the good stuff is.
我知道哪裡有好東西
I know where the good stuff is.
Madison和57街
Madison and 57th.
跟上
Follow me.
聰明的妹紙會把她們想要的藏起來 回頭再來買
Clever bitches hide stuff they want to come back and buy,
因為她們有時沒辦法一次性支付3刀
'cause sometimes they don't have $3 to buy it at the time.
誰連3刀都沒有啊
Who doesn't have $3?
你
You.
上周我在床頭櫃的後面
Last week I hid a dope vintage blazer
藏了件超酷的復古夾克 在這裡
in the back of a nightstand, and here it is!
6刀 我真聰明 喲 喲
Six bucks, clever bitch. Bang, bang!
好吧 既然我們都在這裡了 我就儘量淘點寶貝吧
All right, well, we're here. I'm gonna make the best of it,
但我首先要換個沒沾著雪泥的籃子
but first I need a basket without a sno-cone in it.
嘿 Trish
Hey, Trish.
平時不穿 而是鄉村俱樂部專用 怎麼樣
Not for day-to-day, but at the country club.
你開玩笑吧 不過還真是
You're kidding, but you're right.
要是你看中了什麼 掏下口袋看看裡面有藥片兒不
Hey, when you find something, check the pockets for pills.
有次我在市區的二手店裡發現一顆紫色的藥丸
At a thrift store downtown I found a purple one once,
吃了讓我足足睡死八小時
and took it. Fell asleep for eight hours.
那就是我的年假啊
That was my vacation that year.
喔耶 鞋子
Yay, shoes!
不敢相信我剛才在居然在二手店裡說了 喔耶
Oh, I can't believe I just said, "Yay," In Goodwill.
淡定 鞋子可能有點味兒
Look, don't freak. Shoes can be funky,
但我家有一種特別的噴霧 噴了就跟新鞋一樣
but I have a special spray at home that makes them like new.
你從巫婆那裡搞來的
Did you get it from a wizard?
天啊
Oh, my God.
這雙Brian Atwoods的鞋是我的
Oh, my God, these Brian Atwoods were mine.
我把它們捐給了慈善機構的
I donated these to charity,
因為我被拍到兩次穿這鞋
'cause I was photographed wearing them twice.
它們可花了我800美刀
Okay, they were $800 when I bought them,
現在居然只要8刀
now they're $8?
跟我一樣 只值8刀
Like me. I'm $8.
天啊
Oh, my God.
我只值8刀
I'm $8.
我貶值了
I've been reduced.
對不起 現實突然如此殘酷
I'm sorry, it just all became so real to me.
我不敢相信這一切
I mean, I can't believe it.
呃 你沒看我在哭嗎
Um, didn't you see me crying?
二手店裡好多人哭的
Lots of people cry at Goodwill.
你去法國 就吃蝸牛
You go to France, you eat snails.
你到這兒 就暢懷哭吧
You come here, you cry.
這就怪了 你咋沒反應呢
That's odd, you didn't even react.
別人哭了你應該有所表示
You need to react when people cry.
是啊 我翻白眼了啊
I did, I rolled my eyes.
聽著 總有一天你會默默咽下眼淚的
Look, eventually, you'll learn to do that on the inside.
那這樣說吧 僅供參考
Okay, well, just FYI,
以前要是我在其他女朋友面前流淚的話
when I used to cry in front of my other girlfriends,
她們會說 C妞兒 你哭啥丫
they'd be like, "What you cryin' about, C-line?
瞧你啊 親 你這麼狂野性感 這麼光芒四射
"Look at you, girl, you're fierce, you got your glam on."
你的女朋友都是黑人偽娘嗎
Are your girlfriends black drag queens?
噢 好帥的strokes樂隊T恤
Oh, awesome strokes tee.
他們演唱會的時候我都沒錢搞一件
I went to this concert, but I couldn't afford the shirt.
噢 我的事兒就這麼完了
Oh, we're done with me.
我去看了他們的巡演
I went to see them on this tour
那是大三夏天一個濕熱的夜晚
the summer after my junior year. It was a really warm night,
我是偷溜出來的 我們還準備做...
and I snuck out of the house, and we all ma--
呃 沒什麼了
Ahem. Whatever.
然後呢
And what?
咋了 那天晚上是不是有好事兒發生
What, did something great happen the night you got the t?
你看我現在這樣 像是發生過什麼好事嗎
Look at me, does it look like something great ever happens?
哈 這衣服不錯嘛
Hey, cute tee
我早就相中了
Had my eye on it.
我去帶我的姐妹過來瞧瞧
I was just bringin' my girl back to see it.
她剛在廁所
She was in the bathroom.
我得去吐下
I had to throw up.
快拿過來
So hand it over.
懂不懂規矩
You know the rule.
該出手時就出手 貨不待人懂不懂
Turn the back on the rack, you're under attack.
這不是我說的 是這店的潛規則
That's not me, that's the law of the 'Will.
沒錯 走著吧你
Yeah, you better walk away.
劍拔弩張啊
That was intense.
這只是二手店又一個周三而已
Ah, just another Wednesday at the 'Will.
你剛才說寶貝都藏著呢 是吧
You said to look in things, right?
Max 看 一出手就有貨
Max, look. On my first try!
噢 一擊必殺 藏它的人肯定會氣瘋的
Ooh, slick. Whoever hid those is gonna be pissed.
檢查下質量
Quality check.
面料結實 襠部沒有可疑污跡
Fabric sturdy, no mysterious crotch stains,
不錯嘛 神探南茜
nice work, Nancy Drew.
瞧瞧 還是設計師定製
And look, they're designer.
09夏季 價值350刀
Summer 2009. $350.
今天我拿下的話
And for me today...
只要5刀 這貶值我喜歡
$5. That's a reduction I like.
5刀 天啊
$5! Oh!
5刀呀麼5刀 5刀呀麼5刀
$5, $5, $5, $5...
5刀呀麼5刀
$5, $5...
嗨 Maria
Hi, Maria.
最近怎樣 Max
How are you, Max?
我不錯 你媽媽怎麼樣
I'm good, how's your mom doin'?
她很好 她很喜歡你給她做的小蛋糕 謝謝啦
Good. She really appreciated the cupcakes you made her.
嗨 Maria 我是Caroline Max的朋友
Hi, Maria, I'm Caroline, Max's friend.
這價格還能再低點兒嗎
Any way we can get the price down a bit for these?
我覺得考慮到質量問題的話 8美元不太合算
I think $8 is steep, considering their condition.
我正好發現這鞋跟是換過的
I happen to know the heel has been replaced.
我暈 這價格你還跟她砍啊
I cannot believe you're trying to shoe her down.
賣你6刀
I can do $6.
成交
Deal.
高興啦
Oh, you happy?
你跟慈善機構討價還價
You haggled a charity.
你把慈善二手店都變成了黑心二手店了
You're turning Goodwill into bad will.
我的T恤不見了
My t-shirt's gone.
不在這兒
It's not here.
我打賭是那個波多黎各妞乾的
I bet it was that Puerto Rican girl,
她一直覬覦它很久了
who was-- who was eyeing it.
Maria 能叫保安嗎
Maria, can we call security?
我肯定有攝像頭拍下了剛才的偷竊行為
I'm sure one of the cameras must have captured the theft.
攝像頭 你以為這兒是塔吉特百貨嗎
Cameras? What do you think this is, target?
它不見了 Caroline
It's gone, Caroline.
她肯定是在我看你跳5刀傻叉舞的時候偷走了
She must have stolen it while I was watching you do your stupid $5 dance.
又不是我沒看好東西的 為啥怪我啊
I didn't turn my back on the rack, why am I under attack?
看吧 這就是為啥我喜歡一個人逛街 一個人吃飯
See, this is why I shop alone, this is why I eat alone,
現在我準備一個人走
this is why I'm leaving alone.
Maria 我來買單
Maria, I'll pay for these.
不用盒裝 隨便用紙包裝一下就好了
You don't have to box them, you can just use tissue paper.
即便我這樣說 貌似這也不大可能
Even as I'm saying this, I know it's not gonna happen.
慄慄
Chestnut...
熱屎了 對不
Hot as a mother, right?
好點了沒
Better, right?
這裡腫麼這麼熱
It's gettin' hot in here so hot!
脫掉你的衣服
so take off all your clothes
我超火熱
I am gettin' so hot
我要脫光光
I'm gonna take my clothes off
你最好小聲點兒
You might want to keep your voice down.
樓里可是住著三個有性騷擾案底的傢伙
This building has three registered sex offenders.
這裡超級熱
It's gettin' hot in here
忘掉你的strokesT恤事件吧
so leave all that strokes tee shirt drama behind
拜託 我們好不容易休班
Come on, it's our night off.
咱們找個有空調的地方一醉方休吧
Let's go get drunk in air conditioning.
甚至不用付酒費哦
We won't even have to pay for drinks.
這些小褲褲就夠付酒錢的啦
These "Shotes" Is gonna pay for our drinks.
你現在整個就一收費5元的妓女
You are literally a $5 whore right now.
來嘛
Come on.
嗨 Johnny
Hey, Johnny.
我覺得我告訴過你
I thought I told you
讓你那杯具的屁股離這兒遠點兒
to keep your dumb, tragic ass out of here.
我身上唯一不杯具的就是屁股了
The only thing that isn't tragic about me is my ass.
這位金髮白骨精是
And who's the blonde, bony skank?
夥計 她和我們不是一路人
Oh, dude, she's not in on this.
哦 很抱歉 小姐
Oh, I'm so sorry, miss.
嗨 我叫Johnny 我是Max的朋友
Hey, I'm Johnny, I'm Max's friend.
我叫Caroline 我被嚇到了
I'm Caroline. I'm freaked out.
我們就這樣兒
This is something we do.
- 為了紀念我們的家人 - 嗯哼
- To remind us of our families. - Mm-hmm.
失陪一會兒 和那些哥們邊聊妞兒邊擊掌
Excuse me for a second. These guys tip more
他們會加我小費的
if I high-five 'em when we talk about chicks.
洞洞
Vagina!
耶
Yeah!
哇 姐們兒 你的酒保朋友好可愛
Wow. Girl, your bartender friend is cute.
快看那手臂 肌肉太棒了
Look at those arms. Nice guns.
他不光是個酒保 他可是有正經工作的
He's not just a bartender, this dude is legit.
是個街頭藝術家 藝名叫Jpeg
He's a street artist, goes by "Jpeg."
好吧 那他現在也就是切切檸檬洗洗杯子而已
Hmm. Well, right now he's cutting up limes and cleaning glasses.
你也就是扔扔焦肉泥和壞麵包的千金而已
Well, you're an heiress who's slinging burnt hash and stale toast.
又怎樣
Touche.
沒怎樣
Douch-ay.
那邊那個帥哥請的 夸二位"翹臀 美胸"
These are from the gentleman with a sweet note,"Nice ass, nice rack."
啊哦
Whoo!
呼
Hoo.
你喝個龍舌蘭就是這動靜
If that's your tequila noise,
你要是高潮了是啥動靜啊
God knows what your orgasm sounds like.
一樣的表情 不過靜音
Same face, no sound.
額滴神啊
Oh, my God.
這不就是二手店裡那個女的嘛
I can't believe it, it's the girl from the 'Will.
我來給你報仇 姐們兒
I got your back, gir-r-r.
她要幹什麼
What is she doin'?
她覺得去了一次二手店就牛逼了
She thinks Goodwill has made her tough.
嗨 你好
Um, hi. How are you?
我是想和你談談在二手店那件T恤的事兒
I just wanted to talk to you about that shirt at the Goodwill.
我朋友確實很想要 可是呢 你朋友卻拿走了它
See, my friend really wanted it, and, well, your friend has it.
你瞎白活什麼 賤人
What are you sayin', bitch?
我覺得你還是不明白
Okay, I think we might have got off on the wrong foot.
你是想挨踹麼 賤人
Do you want to feel my foot, bitch?
我想我知道你最愛說什麼詞兒了
Well, I guess we know what your favorite word is.
喔
Ow!
這可不是接發 賤人
Those are not extensions, bitch!
啊
Oh!
我應該去攔住她們 我應該去攔住她們
I should break this up, I should break this up.
不 不 不 給她點時間好好嘗嘗教訓
No, no, no, give her like four seconds to learn her lesson.
哦 好吧 噢 好了好了
Oh, okay, ow! All right. All right!
啊 哦 嗷
Ow! Oh, oh.
好吧 去吧 去吧
Okay, come on, come on.
- 啊 - 沒事了
- Oh! - It's okay.
這可不是接發 賤人
Those are not extensions, bitch!
你還笑 有什麼好笑的
Are you still laughing, 'cause it wasn't funny.
太搞了簡直跟兔八哥一個德行
It was so funny. It was like looney tunes funny.
像是兔八哥臉被獵槍打了
It was like Bugs Bunny getting shot in the face funny.
你更厲害
Only in your version,
挨打了還想和獵槍理論
Bugs Bunny tries to have a dialogue with the shotgun.
我在幫你把T恤要回來
I was trying to get your t-shirt back.
我希望你得到它
I wanted you to have it,
你看見它的時候整個人都亮了啊
because you lit up at the 'Will when you saw it.
我沒亮好吧
I do not light up, okay?
我又不會發光
There's no light inside me.
你看到的可能是
What you're seeing is probably radiation
那年夏天我在鐵道邊收集鈾管時的
from the summer I collected uranium tubes
輻射殘留而已 那玩意可是真值錢
by the train tracks. That was good money.
謝謝你幫我出氣 Caroline
Thanks for looking out for me, Caroline.
不用謝 Max
You're welcome, Max.
就一件T恤 沒了就沒了唄
It's a t-shirt, it's gone.
我又不糾結那玩意兒
I don't get attached to things.
噢 我的指甲被那個平胸賤人弄折了
Ow. My nail practically got torn off back there by "Cat Von D-Minus."
只能讓它翹著陪我睡覺了
I'm gonna have to sleep with it elevated.
這附近有做指甲的地方嗎
Is there a nail place around here?
這可是紐約
Well, this is New York,
所以嘛 這片兒的應該在
so there's probably gonna be one right...
這兒 要啥來啥真好
here. Love when that happens.
快看 女友套裝買一贈一啊 太爽了
Look, a two-for-one girlfriend special. Genius.
明早上班之前陪我來吧 咱倆一起能便宜好多呢
Go with me tomorrow before work, it'll be cheaper if we both go.
我真的需要啊
I really need one.
還有 你也是
Plus, you need one, too.
不行不行 我奢侈日都安排好了
Well, I can't. I have my own day of luxury already booked.
我要洗衣服 然後去Wendy's吃東西
I'm doing a laundry, and then the tasting menu at Wendy's.
來嘛 咱倆一起 做指甲 還有空調哦
Come on. You and me, nails, and air conditioning.
肯定很好玩的
It'll be fun.
你跟我去做指甲 美女
You're doin' it, gir-r-rl.
我跟我的朋友們平常最喜歡做的就是去做指甲
Me and my friends used to love getting manicures.
因為他們是黑人偽娘
'Cause they're black drag queens?
嗨 哥們
Hey, dude.
到時間便便了嗎
It's about that time?
讓我拿個小鏟鏟
Let me get the pooper scooper.
好了 咱們走吧
All right. Let's do this.
- 嗨 - 嗨
- Hey. - Hey.
我問你點事兒 你怎麼想的
Let me ask you something. How is it that you,
一匹馬和一隻Caroline跟我住在一起
a horse, and Caroline are both living with me,
為啥她比你的事兒還多
and you're less of a problem for me?
我的意思是 你告訴我 你認識她比較久
I mean, you tell me, you've known her longer.
她在黑人區跟一個渾身刺青的白妞幹了一架
She picks a fight with a tatted-out white chick
她腦子有坑嗎
from the Bronx? What is up with that?
我也不知道 哥們 我已經習慣了
I don't know, man, I'm just used to it.
你要是說話的話 估計就是這聲兒
That's what you'd sound like, if you talked.
我也這麼認為 順便說一下
I agree with you, by the way.
你說什麼都是對的 Max
Everything you say is right, Max.
謝謝你 慄慄
Thank you, Chestnut.
你應該弄死她
You should kill her.
慄慄 我不能那麼做
Chestnut! I can't do that.
很簡單的 我們把她剁了烤烤吃
It'll be easy. We could kill her and eat her.
慄慄
Chestnut!
好了 哥們 到你地盤兒了
All right, buddy, here's your spot.
快點 趕緊辦事兒吧
Come on, do your business.
快點 栗子
Come on, Ches.
噗 噗 噗 噗 噗
Buh-buh-buh buh-buh.
噗 噗 噗 噗 噗 快點
Buh-buh-buh buh-boo. Come on.
快點啊
Come on!
快點 慄慄 我今天有好多破事兒要做呢(好多屎要拉）
Come on, Chestnut, I got a lot of crap to do today.
你也是
And so do you.
天哪 別害羞啊 哥們
Jeez, don't be shy, buddy...
你開心了吧 我看起來像個柬埔寨脫衣舞女
I hope you're happy. I look like a Cambodian stripper.
呃 他們更喜歡被叫做"桌球藝術家"
Um, they prefer to be called "Ping pong ball artists."
這花了我70刀4毛3
These cost $70.43.
她逼著我弄這個指尖 然後為了這指尖給她小費
She forced me to get tips, and then tip her for the tips.
看見了麼 都是因為你沒露面
See, and all because you never showed up,
我沒得到半價的折扣
I didn't get the two-for-one discount,
我一個人等你等了很久
because I was waiting alone, for you.
Max 我真的很努力的試著跟你做閨蜜
Max, I have really tried to be girlfriends with you,
不過顯然你有你的破事兒
but you obviously have some issues.
跟我進來
Follow me to the walk-in.
好的 咱們說清楚
Good, let's get it out.
給
Here.
我以為我們是進去談話的
I thought we were gonna talk.
不 只是我們的巧克力醬正好不夠了
No, we just didn't have any chocolate cream in the case.
為什麼你沒出現
Why didn't you show up?
你答應我你會去的
You told me you were gonna be there.
其實 我有很多事要做
Well, I had a lot of crap to do.
好吧 你讓我感覺你答應了的
Well, you gave me the impression you were going.
我給你做模仿秀（多義詞） 我才不呢
I gave you the impression? I don't do impressions.
好吧 等等 那不是真的 我做過一個模仿 模仿我媽
Well, wait, that's not true, I do one, my mom.
但是要做那個的話 我得要一棵聖誕樹
But to do that. I need a Christmas tree,
一加侖伏特加 和一根點燃的香菸
a gallon of vodka, and a lit cigarette.
那我們還做不做閨蜜了
So are we gonna be girlfriends or not?
好吧 我就坦白說吧
Look, I'm gonna give this to you straight up.
我永遠不會做你以前那種類型的閨蜜
I am never gonna be the type of girlfriend you're used to.
我不是你的親 或者你的寶貝兒
I am not your gir-r-r, or your gir-r-rl,
我肯定不是
and I am definitely not
某人在指甲店的半價閨蜜
someone's two-for-one girlfriend crap at a nail store.
事實上 把我當成哥們吧
In fact, think of me as a dude.
所以 我們沒事兒了
So-o-o, are we good?
是的 沒事兒了
Yeah. We good.
我明白了 你不是女孩兒的閨蜜
I get it. You're not a girl's girl.
好的 很好
Okay, good.
我可以做女孩兒的閨蜜
I can be a girl's girl.
噢 Caroline
Oh, Caroline,
請不要讓你的馬來占我便宜
please do not take advantage of me with your horse.
啥
What?
我的垃圾處理公司問我要附加費
My trash pick up company charged me extra,
因為我的垃圾箱裡都是你的馬便便
because my dumpster is full of all your horse droppings.
這怎麼可能
How would that be possible?
我看見你的朋友 Max 每天早上給你遛馬
I see your good friend, Max, walking your horse every morning
然後把便便扔到我的垃圾箱裡
and dropping droppings in my dumpster.
嗨
Hi.
你好
Hello.
你今天早上遛馬了麼
Did you walk my horse today?
是的 每天早上
Yeah, and every other morning.
太貼心了 我應該早點知道的
That's so sweet. I wish I had known.
好吧 我能怎麼做 給你的Facebook留言嗎
Well, what was I gonna do, post it on your Facebook wall?
哈 今天又遛馬馬了 撿便便 噁心
"Ha, walked a horse again today. Totes gross."
再說 你以為是誰一直在做這個
Besides, who did you think was doing it?
過去總是有人幫我做這些事兒
I've always just had things done for me,
我真的從來沒想過做這些事的人
I've never really thought about the people doing them.
從來沒人幫我做事
Yeah, and I've never had things done for me,
所以我自己做
so I just do them.
像現在 我正在泡咖啡
Like now, how I'm making the coffee,
而你就站旁邊圍觀我
and you're just standing here watching me.
話說回來 我希望你告訴我
Still, I wish you would have told me,
這樣我就能對你說謝謝
so I could say thank you.
好吧 那不是我的風格
Well, it's not really my style.
你可真是個複雜的哥們
You are one complicated dude.
上菜 羅宋湯
Pick up, borscht.
- 我去 不是吧 - 什麼
- Unbelievable. - What?
嗨 你們好嗎
Hey. How you guys doin'?
真好看的strokeT恤
Cute strokes tee.
穿在我身上應該更好看 考慮到這本來就是我的
Probably look better on me, considering it's mine.
你走神 你就輸了 婊子
You snooze, you lose, puta.
真會說話
Nice language!
你就是用這張嘴去親你擺明是基佬的深櫃男友的嗎
You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth?
知道不 我現在根本不想要它了
You know what? I wouldn't even want it now.
現在它已經在你身上了
Now that it's been on you,
跟Kenny G的襯衫都沒區別了
might as well have been a Kenny G shirt.
姐走了
And now I walk.
你不能就這樣讓她贏了
You can't just let her win.
噢 算了吧 結束了
Oh, forget it, it's over.
羅宋湯 快點 快點拿走
Borscht! Pick up, pick up.
嗨 我馬上就過來
Hi, I'll be right with you.
噢
Oh!
- 白痴 - 噢
- Idiota! - Oh.
這件衣服花了我四塊錢
Esta camiseta me costo cuatro dolares!
我要殺了你
Te voy a cortar.
非常抱歉 都是我的錯
Lo siento. Todo es mi culpa.
我還是有點笨手笨腳的 畢竟我才來了一周
I'm still a little clumsy, it's my first week.
我馬上給你拿些蘇打水來 但是 說真的
I'll bring you some soda water, but seriously,
等你男朋友出櫃了你都弄不掉那個羅宋湯漬
your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does.
你太殺氣了
That was awesome.
是啊 我只是隨便來了一手
Yeah. I kinda just do stuff.
就像剛才 你只是在旁邊圍觀我
Like I just did, while you were standing there watching me.
謝謝啦 閨蜜
Thanks, gir-r-rlfriend.
呃
Oh.
怎麼了 她沖我來了
What, is she coming for me?
快跑
Run.