Amy Froide 埃米·弗羅伊德
In a recent interview with Vogue， actress Emma Watson opened up about being a single 30-year-old woman. Instead of calling herself single， however， she used the word 「self-partnered.」
I've studied and written about the history of single women， and this is the first time I am aware of 「self-partnered」 being used. We'll see if it catches on， but if it does， it will join the ever-growing list of words used to describe single women of a certain age.
Women who were once called spinsters eventually started being called old maids. In 17th-century New England， there were also words like 「thornback」 — a sea skate covered with thorny spines — used to describe single women older than 25.
Before the 17th century， women who weren't married were called maids， virgins or 「puella，」 the Latin word for 「girl.」 These words emphasized youth and chastity， and they presumed that women would only be single for a small portion of their life — a period of 「pre-marriage.」
But by the 17th century， new terms， such as 「spinster」 and 「singlewoman，」 emerged.
What changed？ The numbers of unwed women — or women who simply never married — started to grow.
Now terms were needed for adult single women who might never marry. The term spinster transitioned from describing an occupation that employed many women — a spinner of wool — to a legal term for an independent， unmarried woman.
Many of us assume that past societies were more traditional than our own， with marriage more common. But my work shows that in 17th-century England， at any given time， more women were unmarried than married. It was a normal part of the era's life and culture.
In the late 1690s， the term old maid became common. The expression emphasizes the paradox of being old and yet still virginal and unmarried. It wasn't the only term that was tried out; the era's literature also poked fun at 「superannuated virgins.」 But because 「old maid」 trips off the tongue a little easier， it's the one that stuck.
Today in the U.S.， the median first age at marriage for women is 28. For men， it's 30.
What we're experiencing now isn't a historical first; instead， we've essentially returned to a marriage pattern that was common 300 years ago. From the 18th century up until the mid-20th century， the average age at first marriage dropped to a low of age 20 for women and age 22 for men. Then it began to rise again.
There's a reason Vogue was asking Watson about her single status as she approached 30. To many， age 30 is a milestone for women — the moment when， if they haven't already， they're supposed to go from being footloose and fancy-free to thinking about marriage， a family and a mortgage.
Even if you're a wealthy and famous woman， you can't escape this cultural expectation. Male celebrities don't seem to be questioned about being single and 30.
While no one would call Watson a spinster or old maid today， she nonetheless feels compelled to create a new term for her status: 「self-partnered.」 In what some have dubbed the 「age of self-care，」 perhaps this term is no surprise. It seems to say， I'm focused on myself and my own goals and needs. I don't need to focus on another person， whether it's a partner or a child.
To me， though， it's ironic that the term 「self-partnered」 seems to elevate coupledom. Spinster， singlewoman or singleton: None of those terms openly refers to an absent partner. But self-partnered evokes a missing better half.
It says something about our culture and gender expectations that despite her status and power， a woman like Watson still feels uncomfortable simply calling herself single.
前不久，女演員埃瑪·沃森接受《時裝》雜誌採訪，暢談年屆三十仍然單身的感受。不過，她沒有用「單身」這個詞，而是用「自我陪伴」。
我研究女性單身歷史，著書立說多年，頭一次聽到有人用「自我陪伴」。這種說法能否成為潮流，我們拭目以待，不過假如它能夠大行其道，這意味著描述特定年齡單身女性的詞語又多了一個，這類詞語層出不窮。
歷史上，人們一度用「紡紗女」統稱單身女性，後來才開始把她們喚作「老姑娘」。在17世紀的新英格蘭，單身女性還有別的稱謂，例如「棘背鰩」，這是一種背部長著棘刺的海鰩，特指年齡超過25歲的單身女性。
在17世紀前，人們把未婚的女性通稱為少女、處子，或拉丁語裡的「女孩」一詞puella。這些稱呼突出青春年少又貞潔無暇，默認女性只在人生短暫的一段時間即「婚前時期」處於單身狀態。
然而，17世紀時出現了新的稱謂，例如「紡紗女」和「單身女性」。
這是怎麼回事？因為未婚女性即不婚族人數開始上升。
人們需要找到新的說法指代可能終身不婚的成年單身女性。於是，「紡紗女」這個詞由一個雇用大量女工的工種搖身變為法律用語，特指自食其力的未婚女性。
許多人想當然地認為，往日社會都比當今古板傳統，且婚姻更為普遍。但從我的研究來看，在17世紀的英格蘭，未婚女性總是多過已婚女性。它是那個時代日常生活和社會風氣的常態。
到17世紀末，「老姑娘」的叫法已經司空見慣。這種說法強調女性韶華已逝，卻維持處子待嫁之身。當時，人們對單身女性還有別的叫法；文學作品揶揄「人老珠黃的處女」。由於「老姑娘」說起來順口一些，所以唯有它沿用至今。
現在，美國女性的初婚年齡中位數為28歲，男性為30歲。
我們現在的經歷並非史無前例，我們其實在逐漸回歸300年前常見的婚姻模式。從18世紀開始到20世紀中葉，初婚平均年齡一路下滑至女20歲、男22歲。然後，它向上折返。
《時裝》雜誌在沃森快要30歲時詢問她對單身狀態的感受並非無緣無故。許多人認為，30歲是女性人生的一座里程碑——如果這個時候還沒有步入婚姻，那她們也該結束自由自在、無拘無束的生活開始琢磨婚姻、家庭和抵押貸款了。
女人即便坐擁名利，也逃不脫這種文化預期。同為名人，男性似乎就不會被人追問到了30歲仍然單身的感受。
雖然現在誰也不會用「紡織女」或「老姑娘」稱呼沃森，但她仍然倍感壓力，不得不另外措辭——「自我陪伴」描述個人狀態。在有些人所稱的「自我照顧的時代」，她這樣措辭也屬正常。這仿佛宣告：我關注我自己，關注我自己的目標和需要。伴侶也好，孩子也罷，我不需要分散精力給另一個人。
我倒覺得有些諷刺，「自我陪伴」這個詞有捧高伴侶關係之嫌。無論是「紡織女」、「單身女性」還是「單身」都不明確指向伴侶缺位。但「自我陪伴」讓人聯想到缺失的另一半。
這反映出文化習俗和性別角色預期，沃森這樣的女性儘管功成名就，卻也不甘於直截了當地說自己單身。（於曉華譯自美國《對話》雜誌網站2019年12月2日文章）