[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you. 你是我朋友，我得告訴你
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom? 我簡直不敢相信 保羅親了我媽?
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom. 對，我不知道你是否注意到 他喝了很多酒 他酒醉的模樣你也見識過 我辦不到… 是我抱歉，是我親了你媽
Chandler: What?
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-瑞秋和保羅的事令我很沮喪 我想我是喝太多龍舌酒 諾拉-賓太太-你的媽媽對我很體貼 沒發生什麼事 問喬伊 喬伊剛好走進來
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this? 你知道這件事?
Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing. 知識是很奇怪的
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?! 我整天都和你在一起 你為何沒告訴我?
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened. 他們被我逮到算你幸運 不然後果可不堪設想
Ross: Thanks, man, big help. 謝了，老兄，真是幫了大忙（暗含諷刺）
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking? 我簡直無法相信 你到底在想什麼?
Ross: I wasn't- I mean, I-
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. 我和我媽之間的鳥事 朋友中屬你最清楚了
Ross: I know-
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door) 我無法相信你會做這種事
Ross: Chandler-
Joey: Me neither, y'know what-我也不相信
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me. 我仍在氣你沒告訴我
Joey: What are you mad at me for?! 為何氣我?
Ross: Chandler-
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door) 讓我用力關門吧
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code? 錢德勒，我沒親她，親的人是他 違反規定就是這種下場
Ross: Joey-
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except for Chandler. Rachel is writing something and Monica walks up.]
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Monica: (Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'. 」丟臉的女人」 瑞秋 凱瑞 格林
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'? 對，我想嘗試一下 我仍在寫第一章 你認為他」粗棉布監牢」中的」愛棒」 能獲得解放嗎?
Monica: (Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'. 我想可以吧，我也這麼認為 另外你拼錯詞了
Phoebe: (Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach.
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Hello.
Monica: Hello.
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight? 你今晚要去醫院嗎?
Monica: No, you?
Phoebe: No, you?
Monica: You just asked me. 你剛問過了
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now? 好吧，或許這是個圈套 瑞秋,我們現在能開始了嗎?
Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot! 好 我好興奮
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout. 這是我爸媽在婚禮時照的 你告訴我 她不是曠世美人
Ross: I cannot believe we're having this conversation. 沒想到我們會談論這個
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all. 就試著想像她沒挺著大肚子
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. Central Perk很榮幸為各位介紹 菲比布菲小姐
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. 謝謝 這首歌是有關個我剛認識的男生 他已成為我生命中重要的男人(Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
You don't have to be awake to be my man, 你無須醒來當我的男人
As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. 只要你一息尚存 我就會在一旁守候
Though we just met the other day, 雖然我們相遇不久
There's something I have got to say... 我想說...
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand) 謝謝各位，我得暫停下
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
(Enter Chandler)
Chandler: What was that? 她在搞什麼東西?
Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a... 菲比剛…
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter) 我是和喬伊講話，親我媽媽的人
Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up. 親我媽媽的人我閉嘴
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips. 錢德勒，我能說幾句話嗎? 我知道你仍在生我的氣 我只想說那一夜有兩個人 兩雙嘴唇
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare. 是哦，我預料到她會如此 她一直都是個佛洛依德夢魘
Ross: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something? 如果她都是如此
你為何不找她談談?
Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom! 因為太複雜了，這是個情結 你親了我媽
(People turn to look)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play. 我們正在排練希臘劇
Chandler: That's very funny. We done now? 真幽默，排練完沒?
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel? 還沒，你不找她談? 不說出你的感受?
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis（扁桃體網球） with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her. 我依然不會找她談 別因為你親過她 就自以為了解她 相信我，不能找她談
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah! 到底是能還是不能? 我的手指我的膝蓋還在排練